BILLA 2007

                     

I have never tried my hand at reviewing a movie. So am gonna try doing the same in this post. Since this post is all about my views of a movie, I felt it would be appropriate to get some sponsors for the same, and I was lucky to find one too. The official sponsor of this post is www.itzdeal.com, a site promoted by a kena friend of mine – Saravanna. Its a must see site for everyone , cos its got the contact details and stunning pictures of some of the hottest stars/models that each one of us would wanna lay our hands on !! Trust me, its a very useful site. For those of you who are interested in tamil poetry/literature, you can visit the link of my friend Mani. He had recently released a poem collection called “Kannadiyil Nagarum Veyil”. 

Now that I have done my part of routing the traffic to my friend’s site, its time I start reviewing the movie. Its been 2 months since I saw the last tamil movie – Azhagiya Tamizh Magan, and even as I am trying to get out of the trauma created by Dr. Ilaya Thalavali…sorry..Thalapathi Vijay, figuri informed me that he had tickets for another classic “BILLA“. Failing to notice the bad omen ( flat tyre , Anandakannan’s closeup shot on sun music, etc) I set off to Sathyam, just for 1 reason – the ticket was a OC ticket !!

Billa is a very stylish movie which seems to be highly inspired by Matrix. The actual movie length must be just around 30-45 mins, but because most of the scenes are in slow motion, the movie makes up the 2 hrs and 30 mins norm of a tamil movie. The movie revolves around Tharu”Thalai” Ajithkumar, who I must admit, looks damn cool. The movie also casts Santhaanam, hundereds of cops, 2 busty ladies, Rahman and an elephant…hold on..it was not an elephant..It was Prabhu… If not for the cast card at the end of the movie, I would have failed to realize that the 2 ladies were none other than Namitha and Nayanthara. Am not to be blamed !! The camera never focused above the neckline when the ladies were on screen.

Just as I was wondering if Ajith’s performance in this movie would be better than his earlier films, he comes up with a punch line “I’m back !!”. The dialogue delivery was so sloppy and funny that I almost screamed out “whose back??”.  The budget overshoot on sunglasses and Namitha’s costumes seem to have taken a toll on Nayantara’s wardrobe. Good for us !! The movie has some mind-boggling, edge-of-the-seat action packed sequences which is definitely not for the faint hearted – like the song where Namitha dances on the beach and of course, the famous Nayanthara in a bikini scene. A pattern I noticed in the movie especially where a character gets killed, be it Ajith/Namitha/Prabhu/Rahman or even the extras – They get killed if they don’t wear the sunglasses !!

Moral of the movie – Sunglasses save life !!

Its high time the TN Govt starts enforcing sunglasses the way they enforced the helmet rule. To make it simpler, have summarized my review:

Positives: The butter popcorn and soda I had, Trailer of “Sultan – The warrior”, Nayanthara and of course the music and photography.

Negatives:  The cost of popcorn and soda, popcorn sharing,  Ajith and his awesome dialogue delivery, less figures in the theatre and the damn 30 sec clip of Nayanthara in a bikini – That should have been much longer considering the fact it was the “turning point” of the movie where the audience were totally engrossed !! The producer or director just cant afford to disappoint the audience with a small clip like that.

Scene to watch out for: The scenes where they display “Intermission” (Otherwise you gotta stand in a long queue to get the snacks and the restrooms too get  crowded quickly…) and “The End”.

Phew !! There ends the review. And if you are thinking why I have not discussed anything about the story, that’s because I just couldn’t fine one in the movie !! All said and done, its worth watching Billa, if you are not paying for it and if you have not seen the original version. 

Velai senju kizhikkuren !!

      The best I can do at 5.30 a.m sitting alone in the Frankfurt airport is to blog ( yea yea, blowing my trumpet…Showing off only). Few more hours left for my connecting flight to Dublin. Last few days have been pretty hectic, getting my travel organized. However I did find time to watch 3 potential oscar winning films – Vel, Azhagiya Tamizh Magan and Om Shanti Om. Though each of these movies had their own loads of crap, the similarity was that they all had dual role lead characters.  And that made me really “wish from my bottom” ( courtesy : My marketing professor)  if there could have been duplicates for some people in my life . Hmm..life would have been a lot better then !!!

Of the 3 movies OSO was my favourite  as dual role surya/vijay/srk didn’t interest me. Unless he is a gay, no sensible guy would vote for a dual role hero. Dual role heroine would be a lot more interesting and dehydrating.  However OSO had Mrs. Deepika Sathiyan in a dual role and that is the reason I vote it my favourite . Would have voted for ATM if there were 2 Namithas (which can never happen considering the constraint on the screen size and the film roll usage, which if released wud be titled “Godzilla – 2″) or 2 shreyas ( If either of this had been in ATM, I bet first row tickets would be costlier than the balcony seats and the movie title would have been renamed “Hot Hotter Hottest”). Things apart, my post is not on any of these movie reviews. Its on a review of my professional life and the so called “Mission Impossible” – my new exciting, fun filled, racy, cutting edge technology assignment. To be more specific, its on how the reality is different from what the world sees  !!

For those of you who are not into IT consulting, this post will probably give an insight on the kind of activities I and many IT consultants are into. To make it simpler, am gonna compare consulting to tailoring.  Part of the conversation is gonna be in tamil, just for the flavour. So those of you who have trouble reading tamil please bear with me or refer Rapidex tamil learning course. 

Party	Consulting	Tailoring
Customer	Hi. We have some issues with our production system and we would need your expertise on fixing the same. Can you help us do it.	Anna, pant la thayyal vittu pochu…konja seekram ah thachu thara mudiyuma..neenga nalla tailor nu kelvi patten, athaan…
Boss	Oh. Ok. I suggest we go for a revamping solution. That would be cost effective compared to fixing the issues.	Puthu pant eh vaangikalaame. Ithe thekkura selava vida kammiya thane aagum
Customer	Nope. We are just looking at a fix. We would need to get the system going at the earliest. Time matters more than the cost. Do you have experienced resources who can do this?	Puthu pant vaanga engalukku theriyaada…mooditu indha pant ah thechi kudunga..adutha vaaram oru function irukku…athukulla ready senju thara mudiyuma?
Boss	Yea yea. I can provide you one resource who has got a great expertise in this technology. Will ensure he flies over to Dublin and gets this resolved at the earliest.	Indha velai seyya nammakitte oru semma aal irukaan…namma kaaja podura payyan..seekram ready senju thara solren..neenga kavala padaadeenga
Boss	Sathiyan, client needs some expert opinion on the Oracle financial system .You need to fly to Dublin and ensure it gets resolved. Have told the client that am sending just 1 resource. I know you are capable of it. I am banking on you to do it. This assignment will be more interesting and value adding than the current assignment. Are you happy?	Dei payya, indha pant la kaal ku naduvula, zip ku keezha thayyal vittu poi irukku paaru.Eppadi kizhinjudu nu theriyalayaam.thayyal podanumam..nee thaan indha mathiri thayyal poduradula expert ille..seekram ready panni kuduthudu da…kaaja pottutu irunda unakku ithu oru “value addition”…santhosham thaane?
Me	Yea boss. Sounds good. But why just me – Is it because “ Singam single ah thaan pogum” ?? (For those reading this, I can understand you feel, “dei athu singam ille da – karadi /neer yaanai/ Gaandamirugam etc”…free ah vidungappa) By the way, why is that I get troubleshooting work always. Cant i get some assignments on business development?	Santhosham anne…but thayyal podura pasanga nerya per irukkum pothu en enna select senjeenga..?? Naan rombe theramai aanavan nu thonuda ungalukku? Appuram, innum ethana naal naan gents tailor ah ve irukuradu..eppo ladies tailor ah promote panna poreenga?
Boss	Nothing like that. Its because “ Nee thaan namma team la rombeeeeee nallavaaann…evvalo kevala paduthunaalum thaangikura…athaan…”. First master ur skill in consulting. That will help you when you get into business development role.	Oru ezhavum kedayaadu…Ithu semma mokkai velai..mathavan kitte sonna othukamaataanga..nee thaan ithukellam seri…mokkaya irundaalum mukkaama monagaame sieve nee..athaan…
Me	Is this some sorta joke? Ok, will try to get this completed quickly.	Enna kodumai sir ithu !! Seri, ennavo oru ezhavu..seekram senju mudikuren…
Boss	No No. Take your time. More time means more revenue. So keep extending as much as possible.	Dei maanga, adutha vaaram ketaanga na odane kuduthuda koodaadu..innum 2 vaaram delay seyaalam..nee porumaya senjaa thaan nalla velai seirada nenapaanga…
Me	Ok boss. It’s a cake walk. I can always say, fix for one issue has created another issue. So need to fix that as well. I think we can manage a few weeks. Sounds great.	Sappa matter anne. Munnala thayyal podum pothu pinnadi kizhinjiduchu, material seri ille, oosi nool theendu pochu appadi ippadi nu delay pannidalaam..kavalai padadeenga..pattaya kelapidalaam…
Boss	Dats great Sathiyan. All the best for your assignment.	Super pa. Velaya mudichitu enkitte sollu.

So, those of you who thought I was into a very exciting job, with lotsa globe trotting and fun, understand that its basically “ Tailoring” that I do, but it appears more like am into “ Fashion designing”. This does not end here. There is more reality !! Check this out. 

Party / Context	Original version	Translated version
Colleagues – on getting to know about my new assignment	Hey looks like Satti is off to his next assignment. Am sure he is gonna drill the client and give them a very hard time.	Ayyayo satti laptop ah thookitu Dublin kelamburaana, clients ku enna aapu irukko theriyalaye !!
Me – On reporting to work	Hi. Am here to resolve the issues. Hope to get them resolved soon.	Issues resolve panna aal venum nu kettavan evan da?
Customer	Oh yea, you and your team have been working on this for a long time and have not been able to resolve it till date	Prachanaya solli 1 maasam aagudu, innum resolve panna mudiyale ungalaale
Me	Now that am onsite, things should pick up.	Dei nee solradu offshore. Naan solradu onsite. Athaan vandutom ille.
Customer	Hey, apart from this issue, there is that issue, there is another issue, blah blah blah….	Dei, adingada ivana.. thaniya vandu sikkitaan semma saathu saathungada…
Me	Yea, will take care of the issues..one by one guys…be patient…hey, come on…dont push me….how can I handle so many issues at a time…WTF !!!!!	Venaam…valikudu..azhuthuduven….ayyo…amma..
Me – On returning offshore	Boss, the work is completed to some extent. Its all short term fixes, but that’s the best we could do at the moment. Need to plan though for a long term fix. It was hard out there.	Yabba, eppadiyo avanungala samaalichu thappichu vandaachuda saami..enna adi adikuraanga…kaatu pasangala iruppanga pola…oru pacha pullaya ippadi thumsam pannuraanga….
Damn Colleagues again !!	Wow Satti..you look happy…must have had a great time in Dublin…dats awesome man…	Adengappa….Issue resolve panna sattiye ivvalo santhoshama irukaan na, client rombe happy ah irupaan nu nenaikuren…nalla feedback thaan kedaikkum avanukku…hmmm….

So by now, you must have understood we are yet another “Kaipullai” trying to dance to the tunes around us….Its as risky as a “navy seal” job with a very less life insurance coverage !!…So be empathetic towards the so called “ IT consultant” species and contribute to their welfare. You can start today by sending your contributions either by cheque / DD in favour of “ Save Satti Campaign” to my address. God bless those of you who plan to contribute, and for those of you who plan not to, I swear you are either gonna be an IT consultant in your next janam or go blind when ” Hot Hotter Hottest ”  releases !!

 

Kadha Kelu Kadha Kelu….

There are 2 questions that am being asked everyday. One that is raised by friends, relatives and colleagues - “ When are you getting married ?” and the other question raised at home – “Why do u keep hearing to this SONG everyday, as though it is some kinda ritual? Won’t u ever get bored with it? “. And my answer to both these questions is what this post is all about. Its high time I shared the secret with fellow jobless officers. The EVERYDAY quoted above, is for a period of  almost a year, and trust me, I have been hearing that song atleast once a day, while I have been at home.

Those of you, who know me quite well, must have guessed by now which song am talking about. If your guess was “Kattipudi Kattipudida” or “Ponmeni urugude”, nonsense – guess again!! Andha maanasthan Satti kaanaama poi pala varusham aachu. Infact its been a while since such devotional songs captured my attention, though the visuals of such songs will always catch my attention, no matter what

Well, the song that am talking about is “New york nagaram” from Sillunu oru Kadhal. I loved the music and the visuals the moment I saw it and the song still tops my list. Not even superstar’s song could dethrone this song. I can listen to this song for hours together, and I just cant seem to get enough of it. Not even a shreya/namitha song on some channel is able to distract me (I know you all must be thinking, liar liar, and yes you are right !! )

Now to the reasons on why this song is my favourite - The first and foremost reason is, I hate that song “Munbe Vaa”, a song that most people like from the same movie. That song sucks big time, and I have my own reasons for that…The only thing good about that song is Bhoomika with her swollen lips and a few extras that come up as a part of the classroom & playground in that song. ( Maybe in my next post I can investigate the million dollar question – why Bhoomika’s lips are swollen and if it can match up to Angelina Jolie’s lips) The song is more girly-girly types, with a lot of emphasis on kolam/rangoli and stuff !! Overall the song makes a feel like am sitting in some kinda bhajan / kolu session listening to songs, awaiting the sundal and sweets. Secondly, NYN song has a very innovative picturization that looks more like a power-point slide, simple to understand for IT guyz like me. Thirdly, the song starts with Jo, reading Surya’s personal diary, a very decent quality with which I can relate myself very much with – reading other’s diary when given a chance Also it is very hard to disagree with the fact that Jo looks stunning in that song with her big big eyes that change expressions every second and her charming smile.  Finally it’s a “feelings” song where Surya pours out his feelings for Jo. Rumors were that, only after seeing Surya feel so much, his dad accepted his marriage with Jo. The biggest reason as to why I hate “Munbe Vaa” is that I never got a chance in my life to experience the situation described in the song….Waaaaaah !!! ( Simply called – Vayitherichal )

So coming back to the point, on why I have been listening to this song everyday – Its because, like Surya in that song ( Note: Odane ellorum – unakku enna surya nu nenappa nu sirupulla thanama nakkal adichu comment ezhudaadeenga) I can relate myself very closely to the situation….It helps me express myself and  pour out the feelings that have been haunting me for long…The song’s lyrics speak my mind…You can say, its a sort of emotional attachment . Vadivel baashai la sollanumna – “Same blood”.

One thing I failed to mention so far is that, whenever I listen to this song, I ensure the volume is in the max and everybody at home gets to hear it loud and clear. The reason is as told earlier – express myself and my situation. And the part in the song which helps me vent out my emotions are the lovely lyrics “ Thanimai Thanimayo Kodumai Kodumayo” !! That is because all my friends married and well settled, and am the only one left alone and single  !!.Oor sutha kooda enda  #%$*@  um ille… In other words, this song is my messiah to my parents asking “Enakku Eppo kalyaanam, enakku eppo kalyaanam??”  Infact I had even given clues earlier on this topic, by listening to “Vaalameenukkum Vilaangumeenukkum Kalyaanam” song often, but again, parents thought I must be drooling over malavika.

So those of you who keep asking me the 2 questions, note that the answer does not lie with me, but with my parents. Till it gets answered,  I have no option but to keep listening to this song ….. But again, if you think I’M the reason and not my parents, there is nothin much I can comment about that.

P.S: The actual reasons for listening to this song cannot be shared on this forum, as my criminal-psycho brother is also a reader. Veetla pottu kuduthu erkanave nallavan nu per vaangi irukka avan, rombe nallavan nu per vaangikuvaan…So,I leave the reason to your imagination !!

Trip to Babe’s own Country – Part 3

                  

Like most of you ( vetti officers )  am also kinda bored writing abt my trip to kerala..Didnt wanna end the story abruptly, so thot of wrapping it up as short and sweet as possible…And yea, the pic has got nothing to do with my opinion about keralites

The day spent in Kumarakom was as expected – heavenly…pure bliss !! What else can you call it when a bunch of friends, smoking and drinking, on a coooool rainy day, eating fresh and hot karimeen, get to enjoy nature at one of its best….While we were at an eatery ordering for “ona sadhya”, we heard a voice “Tamil ah??”..Surprised, we looked up to see a guy around my age (must be 22 i guess ) seated a few tables away from us…The next thing he said was  “Indha saapade saapduradukku patni kedakalaam…uppu sappe ille..eppadi thaan itha inga thinguraangalo….thayavu seidu ethayum order pannaadeenga” nu…paavam, first trip to kerala pola, athaan polamburaan…engalukku ellam idhu sagajamappa !! Besides, naanga ellam sothula uppu pottu thinne pala varushangal aachu nu avanukku theriya vaaipillaiye…

Next destination – Cochin…The big day – ONAM !! We reached there on 26th night..summa sollakoodaadu, the city was bustling with life…looked like our very own ranganthan street…enga paathaalum panchavaathyam, girls in White/gold traditional dress, etc.. But the grand day of onam was a veryyyyyyy big disappointment…loose pasanga and ponnunga..The day of onam seemed more like a day of a bandh…no shops open..streets were deserted…it looked like the “City of the dead”…the only alive souls there were us and a few foreign tourists who had also come with expectations like us…guess all must have been watching asianet/surya special onam programmes cosily at home…naasama poga !!! Guys, please keep this in mind..Onam is celebrated throughout the world except in Kerala…So dont even think of goin to kerala during onam season…

One funny thing is mallus like to advertise to the whole world regarding their state of origin. Whether it is the deep jungles of amazon, Kampuchea or Uzbekistan,Timbuktu or Papua New Guinea, Dubai or Dublin, cast your eyes around and you are sure to find a Mallu. You don’t have to be a Sherlock Holmes to identify this species. All you need is to specifically know what to look out for, like certain mannerisms, idiosyncrasies or dress proclivities.  A few observations made are :

1. Abble, Bineabble, oohrange and benana are their favourite fruits

2. On rear window of cars you can find stickers like “Chinchu mol + Jinchu mol”..You cant find such captions anywhere else in the milky way galaxy, except in kerala and probably in Gelf.

3. “Baby” seems to be a common name in kerala..So most of the keralites are proud that Britney Spears was singing about mallus in her song  “baby one more time”…And names are derived from parents names mostly..for example, if the guy’s name is Wilson and gals name is Baby, child’s name is definitely gonna be Wilby mol or Wilby kuttan…you can bet your legacy on that !!! Please note most mallu names will be 2 syllable – Jiju, Liju, Shiju,shiny,tiny,joby,bobby, Saji,etc…. Though mostly meaningless, they are far easier to pronounce than telegu names like Sriramachandara Haricharanaya Bondukulla ( Payyan porantha sandukulla / Kudhirkulla nu per veppaangalo ?? ) for sure !!

4. Side dishes in bars are called “Touchings” in kerala…Pickles are probably called “Lickings”, who knows??

5. Ayurveda is at its best in kerala…If you have cold, all you need to do is rub some “bicks” and drink home made “Kurumilagu rasam”, you dont have to visit the nearby oohspital..

6.  If you see someone who can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football , all the while wearing a lungi tied halfmast  and hawaii slippers, you are witnessing a mallu spectacle!!

7. If someone has atleast 5 relatives working in Gelf, and relatives working in US as a “nurse”, he/she is a hardcore mallu !!

8. If a palace has been converted to chaaya kadai selling paruppu vada, then it must belong to a mallu…

9. If you see someone carrying more than a newspaper in a public place, 99% he is a mallu…That makes me think if my newspaper vendor is a mallu too…

10. Squares are mallu’s favourite patterns – be it towels or lungis.  They prefer octagon to pentagon or hexagon, as it has more “corners”, and the reason being that mallus like to set up chai kadai in every possible “corner” - Corners stimulate a mallu, and since football is the only game which has a “Corner Kick” they love football, logical isnt it??…Mamooty is better than Tom cruise and Lalettan is better than Schwarzenegger !!  

11. According to keralites, coconut is bery good for health. Infact a recent study showed 75% of a mallu’s body composition is made of coconut, and this probably excludes the oil applied on the hair. Rumours say most oil found in Gelf countries is due to the large presence of keralites there….

12. Mallus also speak malayalam. They can speak in zimble englees and thaamil as well. Productivity in Kerala is also very less as 80% of time seems to be spent on lifting, tying, untying and re-tying their jingucha lungis !!

In short - cockroaches, mosquitoes and mallus can be found anywhere and everywhere, with their typical style..Have you ever noticed that even our very own Gabdain Vijaykanth has not been able to provide statistical information about Mallus…Infact a survey states that recently sighted extra terrestrials are probably mallus….And what better than the latest joke to sum this up…

“In the final of the 20-20 world cup, Misbah-ul-Haq thought he was hitting the ball where there was no one. But pity, he did not know that there is a mallu in every corner of the world, and that’s how we won !! ”

P.S: If you still have a confusion if you are a mallu, feel free to search in google for  ” Malluism tests” or “How mallu are you” tests for free !! Go ahead and find the mallu in you !! And yea, start tracing your ancestral origin, and for all you know you could be a mallu too…Am saying this cos, it seems GOD himself is a mallu, and dats why they call it “God’s own country” !!

Trip to Babe’s own Country – Part 2

            

This is going to be a slightly lengthy post…konjam poruthukonga makkale !!

Our first destination was Athirapally falls. The bus trip from palakkad to chalakudy was more like a cross country race..narrow bumpy mud roads…surukama sollanumna, Ajith padam mathiri semma kandraavi ah irunduchu….So by the time we reached there it was already closing time for the falls and so we got the 1st bulb of the trip…Maanga pasangala iruppanga pola..river, waterfalls ku ellam ennangada opening and closing time??..Edho thanni lorry timing range ku solraanunga…Do we have a closing time for the beach in chennai or what??….loose pasanga (Note: I said loose pasanga, so mallu gals reading this, don’t get offended ) Cursing we started off to Ernakulam so that we can get “Tight by night”…Within moments of landing in the bus stand we were hanging out in our hotel bar, drinking our way to glory…We initially planned to have a small session but on knowing that  the only complimentary dish was pickles, we got pissed off and ordered for more drinks..I know “Drinking is injurious to health” but it didn’t strike me until the bill arrived, which was almost 20% of our entire trip budget…Inorder to get over this terrible shock, I took another glass of whisky and hit the sack….

Next day we started early..Less drooling over the sun tv comperes this time ( probably due to the hang over and dehydration )…We stopped in a restaurant and were surprised to find there was no puttu,kappa,appam or any such authentic kerala stuff..all they served was dosa and parottas.. And they were served to us, right out of the refrigirator..I could see a guy across our table licking his fingers over even this food and ordering for more frozen food..Saavugraaki !! Since we were not happy with the first round of breakfast, we went into another restaurant and gorged down few more dosas..should say there was some improvement as the food here was warm…must be owned by a tamilian who settled in kerala i guess…and we started off to alleppey to watch the boat race..the bus journey as usual was a long and boring show with a few commercial breaks from some “made to order” cute babes…

When we got down in the alleppey bus stand, we were immediately surrounded by few guys in lungis..The immediate song that came to my mind on seeing them was ” Jingucha Jingucha pacha color jingucha manja color jingucha” (All dubai lungis I guess)…Since I was the most proficient in malayalam from my group, I was singled out for a group discussion and I should say i was kinda nervous as my last group discussion was during my TCS interview…was not sure if I still had the touch…The translated conversation between us  and my thoughts during the conversation goes something like this:

They: Where are u coming from ?
Me: Mars….err, chennai
They: Have u come to see the boat race in Puilnkund or simbly (typical mallu style) sight seeing??
Me:  (aaha, correct ah kekuraan…Josiyakaarano??) yea..we heard there is a race at 3pm
They: Yes, Do u want a Jatty?
Me: No thanks…I have packed enough for the trip.. ( India is definitely on the development path…Doing a sales pitch for jatties as a group in the middle of the road…besides, does his 1st question have anything to do with this question??)
They: If u hire a jetty then you will get a closer view of the race
Me: Excuse me??? ( Is it some kinda hi-tech gadget they show on James bond movies..?? )
They: What do u say? 1500 bucks for 6 hrs
Me : Enna kodumai sir ithu !! ( Wat the hell ..such an expensive jatti..dat too hired on a hourly basis..And how do i wear it in the middle of the road?? Like superman ??…can somebody around plzzzz help me !!!)

That’s when a blessed soul came around and explained the situation to me in simpler terms by stating that we can hire a boat to Pulinkund for 6 hrs for 1500 bucks…So that’s when I realised boats in kerala are called “Jettys”…Why are these guys so complicated??..cant they call it as boats, steamers, padagu,etc..something that guys not wearing lungis can also understand…maybe I should have worked harder on the verbal ability section during my MBA preparation, or easier, worn a lungi during the trip so that I could have understood their local language also known as “The Da vinci code” !!…anyways, after cursing for making a fool outa myself, we agreed to take a padagu savaari to the boat race venue.

On the way we grabbed some kallu or toddy..nice stuff I should say..Glad that the toddy didnt have any coconut oil mixed in it …however the promised karimeen polichadu and chemmeen were not available enroute…the drive to the venue was quite relaxing though time consuming..we gotta see the country side of alleppey and it was awesome..here and there we got to see a few Gopikas, Asins and Bhavanas…we were told the movie “Autograph” was shot in these backwaters…The boat race didnt meet up to the hype though..I mean, with just 2 boats racing, I woudnt even call that a race…adicha sarakku oda mappu ellam odane erangidichu on seeing this kinda dumb race…dumber were the audience who clapped for the winner !! Lunch was cold and out of the freezer, as usual…This entire episode was the 2nd bulb of our trip…

That night, we  had planned to stay in kumarakom but since all of us were interested in boozing rather than travelling, we stayed over in alleppey…We visited the alleppey beach which was pitch black and lifeless due to the heavy downpour…Of course we immediately set off to the bar, only to find that even here pickles were the complimentary dish and that too only lime pickle..no garlic/mango/tomato pickle to choose from…and 99% of stuff on the menu card were meant just for display !! Damn bar owners in Kerala !! I can understand in kerala you can find itsy bitsy pieces of food amongst grated coconut and dripping coconut oil in any dish,  but why is that most places in kerala serve cold food? Is it because the gals out there are HOT ?? I cant see any other correlation apart from this..If any of you reading this can think of other reasons, plz lemme know….

Enuf cribbing for this post…Will write about the day spent in Kumarakom and Ernakulam once I get a dubai lungi from Saravanna stores!! Till then, you can check out a few pics taken during our trip in –  http://picasaweb.google.com/sathiyan.r/KerelaTrip?authkey=llOTmEUDPJk

A Trip to “Babes Own country” !!

                                             

I am not sure what inspired me to think of a trip to kerala. Was it the boring monotonous life ? Was it the awesome B-grade mallu movies ? Or was it Asin and Bhavana? I really dont know. But then, I wanted to make a trip to Kerala and what better time than the ONAM season. So after lots of discussion with a few friends and absolute nonsense planning, we decided to tour kerala for 4 days. Each one had his priority I  guess. Anand wanted to click lotsa pictures that he can use for his matrimony profile or to show off to his GF. Venky,Dhina and Prabhu obviously wanted to booze. I had just 3 simple reasons for this trip:

1. Sight adichufy babes in the traditional festive dress ( Am a sucker for this !!)

2. Flirt with as many mallu babes as possible

3. Marry some mallu babe if there is a slightest of chance

So we all planned to meet initially in coimbatore and then move on from there. Anand and myself were to travel by train to coimbatore. Even before the journey started, we had some “aapu” which was a clear indicator of what was in store for the next 4 days. While we were seated in the train, 3-4 9’s came into the compartment and were asking everyone for money. Initially there was an urge in me to perform an “Oororum puliyamaram” from Paruthiveeran, but then considering some decency, I sat back. That is when they approached us and asked for money. I initially took a 10 rupee note to send them off, but they would not budge. Using the skills I picked up during my last 3 yrs of work and during my MBA, I negotiated my best and we agreed at 25 bucks. But since I didnt have the change, I stuck out the 50 rupee note and asked them for change. One of them promptly plucked that note out of my hand and put it in a place which is off limits :( When they blessed us ( for being an ilichavaayan) and left the scene, I felt like one of those cartoon characters with the board “Jackass” hangin around the neck.

Next day morning we reached coimbatore and caught up with the other guys who had already arrived and booked a room for all of us. We planned to catch the bus to Palakkad by 9, but at around 8.30 all of us were still in the hotel room drooling over some kozhuk mozhuk sun music compere. When have guyz stuck on to plans anyways. So we finally left the hotel at arnd 9.30 and had a “simple” breakfast which am sure would have made the waiter think that we guyz were seeing food for the first time…From the smirk on his face, I felt he was visualizing us as a herd of pigs !!

On the way to bus stand we were discussing how we would manage our time in Kerala without knowing malayalam. My liking for kerala since my college days and a few month stint in coimbatore had not only helped me in learning a few malayalam alphabets, but also a few key words like Shakeela, Mamooty, mole, kootukaari, sundari penkutty, cheta, etc…And I was confident this knowledge would suffice for an effective communication !! In the bus stand we could see lotsa cute chicks and we presumed they would definitely be mallus and not the ones from tamilnadu..The difference is very evident - TN babes are made to STOCK..Mallu babes are made to ORDER..A lot of designing, creativity, planning, skill and hardwork seems to have gone in creating every babe in kerala…No wonder they call it “Babes own country” ..err, “God’s own country” !!

Drooling we got into a cramped bus filled with few lolakuttys and many aankuttans in their lungis…Nothin about the travel excited us except for the few kallu shops on the way and one girls college on the highway…Will talk more abt the trip in my next post, as its time to watch Kiran TV

Cheers,

Satti

God’s own Finger !!

Dear Michael Dell machan,

Last week you had called me up and asked for an innovative idea to boost your company sales…nyaabagam irukka…edho nee namma payyanaache, yosichu thaan paarpoma nu thonuchu…but thinking and inventing is for the jobless…For a guy like me who keeps thinking every moment on how to spend the next moment as worthless as possible, setting apart time for your sake inbetween my busy schedule seemed almost impossible…until…until the photograph of your secretary you had shown me during ur last visit here, flashed like a nuclear explosion…she is one hella bombshell da…so after thinking long and hard, I decided I can help ya by putting my rusty brains to work while am at the loo…and after 4 days VOILA !! I got the idea of the decade…an idea that is gonna revolutionize the field of IT….The mother of all inventions…

Its after all simple logical stuff da..all u need to do is THINK…As advised by my Marketing Guru Prof.Goyaalokka, I concentrated on the “Customer needs”. The only work that most guyz in IT companies do is to send/reply/forward mails. And especially, the mail reply is the difficult part where one is expected to reply with “relevance”. When you are expected to reply with relevance to total crap – which is more often the case with the probability being as high as agarkar’s economy rate, it leads to frustration, which inturn can lead to brain hemorrhage, or worse – making you look like a constipated wild buffalo to the cute chick across the cubicle…So I personally feel you must include a “new key” in all your future laptops and desktops…a simple key which can at one stroke serve as a reply to most mails and make you feel good about your reply, especially if its to your boss or the customer - “The middle finger Key” – God’s own Finger!!

How many more days do guyz have to type  $#^%$&*!%  stuff (or) F off  and gals hav to type ” poda ___” (or) “poda dash”  sorts…Give them a break da..You will be helping them vent their frustrations…

I can already see “ananda kanneer” in your eyes da..I know this idea has multiple benefits – You can reply to most mails with a single key as the answer…This single key can serve as stress buster…Makes it easy to market from the health concern perspective…And am sure with this new feature, you would seem like demi-god to the IT population…Dont bother about thanking me machan…But plz do bother about telling your bombshell that this idea is my brainchild, and that I have a spare ticket for a 4 night/5 days package to the Hawaiian Islands…You know I hate working while am on a vacation, but keeping our friendship and your busy schedule in mind, I suggest you can send your secretary for futher negotiations on this front… Fine then…Do let me know incase you need any such simple revolutionary ideas..Anyday for you and your bombshell da !!

Cheers,

Karadi

PS: You always have the option to make it more user friendly by putting up 2 “Middle finger” keys on either side of the keyboard, like the Shift/ctrl/alt keys. Double bonanza !!

Hello world!

Hi Humans(6 senses)/Animals( 5 senses) n fellow Software martians(no-sense),

Finally am into the world of non stop nonsense. Well,atleast its better than sitting idle in office for a minimum of 3…err 4….hmm 5 hrs a day…(Ok ok..am jobless throughout… i give up).

This  blog is basically to scribble my thoughts on whatever crap i want to and to while away time while am in office. So dont expect any serious/religious/intellectual/path-breaking stuff out here..Instead expect time pass, gilma, good-for-nothing posts..And yea, if am in a real good mood you can expect some soft porn as well Am locals of India, so if my engleepees is bad, please poruthufy with me… 

And for the sake of gals who speak local tamil at home and act as if born and brought up in New York, and all others who genuinely dont understand tamil – If you are wondering what the blog name means, its “Little Bear” !! Thanks for visiting my blog..Suggestions are welcome..